#listened to the deh soundtrack all day and cried

[newrochellechallenger2019]

mike faist come home. your musical theatre kids miss you.

[magnusnjelsen]

The first time I ever discovered Dear Evan Hansen was after Spotify recommended me a ‘Best of Broadway’ playlist and Waving Through A Window happened to be on there; initially I only clicked on it because I thought the title sounded pretty but turns out I actually liked the song and it had expressed everything I had been wanting to say for years. I decided to listen to the entire soundtrack and do some research on Wikipedia and was immediately in awe that it was a musical about mental illness and youth suicide. Anyone who knows me knows I have always been a very strong advocate for mental illness after battling it for so many years and watching it resonate within my family, tearing our lives apart in more recent years. When I did more research and looked further into Connor’s character for hours and days on end, desperate to find out more from the character who took his own life from battling his own demons, I remember how I sat and cried because even though he’s a fictional character, I had seen pretty much all of myself in him. I never thought there was a person (fictional or not) who happened to be like me. I had seen his anger in myself, his characteristics of BPD in me, his strained relationship with his family being the same as the rocky relationships I had with my own family, his loneliness and isolation, his substance abuse, his failing mental health and denial of help from his peers in my own life. There was this person who I only thought existed in my own personal bubble who happened to be displayed in a god damn Broadway musical and it made me want to change my life for the better.

Not long after discovering DEH, I actually signed myself up for therapy, decided to fix relationships with my family and try to gain a more positive outlook on my life. Of course I realised things won’t be okay overnight and it will be a long road to recovery but it’s a start and it’s all thanks to this beautiful musical that I still will myself to keep on pushing through with my life and keep on living no matter how dark life may seem sometimes, no matter how much I struggle to get out of bed sometimes. Because I know the bad times won’t last forever and that even when I feel broken on the ground, I will always be found.

Thank you Dear Evan Hansen for doing what you’re doing and I hope you encourage to inspire people forever.

[littlelovegod]

If you're still doing the musical themed asks: wicked, dear Evan Hansen and in the heights. I love your blog btw

wicked: first musical you ever listened to

acTuaLLY the first musical i ever listened to was wicked! i listened to the soundtrack and then saw it off-broadway, and it got me hooked on musicals for life

dear evan hansen: have you ever cried listening to the cast recording of any musical? which one and why

well i cried at like 3 am two days ago listening to falsettos because ow my heart

also deh makes me cry, especially you will be found, because it  feels s o real and its really beautiful

in the heights: are you an in depth theatre kid who is great at singing and always gets good parts or are you the one who will support and loves their good theatre friend or the one who wants to audition but can’t sing at all and gets stage fright

i’m the one who wants to audition but can’t sing at all and gets stage fright tbh,,, i mostly just stick to making art for my faves

and thank you so much anon!! i love u!!

[send me musical related asks!]

[1pen1knife]

Taggity tag

Tagged by @yourplisetsky ty! Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.
LAST…
Drink: water Phone call: my mother Text message: my cousin Song you listened to: so big/so small from the DEH soundtrack Time you cried: about 20 minutes ago HAVE YOU…
Dated someone twice: no 
Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 
Been cheated on: no 
Lost someone special: yes 
Been depressed: yep 
Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope I was a boring teenager and still not of the legal drinking age 
Made new friends: yes 
Fallen out of love: ya 
Laughed until you cried: yep 
Found out someone was talking about you: yea and it's a really shit feeling 
Met someone who changed you: you could say that 
Found out who your friends are: ye 
Kissed someone from your Facebook list: no (I don't use Facebook) 
Kissed a stranger: yes 
Drank hard liquor: no (I'm setting an example for the children ok don't underage drink kids) 
Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 
Turned someone down: ye 
Sex on the first date: no 
Broken someone’s heart: not that I know of 
Had your heart broken: yep 
Been arrested: no 
Cried when someone died: yes 
Fallen for a friend: yea 
Kissed on the first date: nope 
GENERAL
List 3 favorite colors: maroon, navy blue, and light gray 
How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: none, once again I don't use Facebook 
Do you have any pets: yeee 
Do you want to change your name: legally? Yes, but most people call me by my preferred name 
What time did you wake up: 9:30 
What were you watching at midnight last night: I wasn't watching anything I was writing (lol I'll probably finish it today and you'll see) 
Name something you can’t wait for: To go home 
When was the last time you saw your mom: last night and I hated it 
What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my relationship with my mother 
What are you listening to right now: nothing. 
 Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no 
Something that is getting on your nerves right now: people not listening to me when I need them to stop doing something 
Most visited website: tumblr 
Mole/s: lots 
Mark/s: mostly scars 
Childhood dream: paleontologist 
Do you have a crush someone rn?: yep 
What do you like about yourself: my eyes 
Piercings: one in my ears 
Blood type: i don’t know?? 
Nickname: em, Lou, lulu, stargazer (that's Laine's nickname for me) dipshit tbh call me whatever you want 
Relationship status: single as a Pringle 
Zodiac: Aquarius 
Pronouns: he/they 
Favorite TV show: YOI 
Tattoos: none 
Right or left hand: left 
Surgery: yep 
Hair dyed in different color: I did once and it turned orange but now it's my natural color. 
Sport: volleyball 
Vacation: I want vacation days off work but I don't want to go on an actual vacation 
Pair of trainers: yea 
Current and all-time best friend name: Noor 
Eye color: green/blue/grey 
Favorite movie: my childhood fav was Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer so I'll stick with that 
WHICH IS BETTER? 
Hugs or kisses: kisses 
Lips or eyes: lips 
Shorter or taller: shorter 
Nice arms or stomach: nice arms 
Sensitive or loud: sensitive 
Hook up or relationship: relationship 
Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker I have 0 impulse control 
DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
Yourself: sometimes 
Miracles: nah 
Love at first sight: hmm no 
Santa Claus: not anymore I'll tag: @otabaeplisetsky @till-kingdom-come @1hit1der @phangirl-landphil @seeyounextlevel @altisetsky @practicallypidge @yoitssimonsnow @emilnekolakofola I don't have that many friends lol

[monterey-jack]

Maybe the reason why I’m scared of listening to the whole soundtrack of DEH or learning about it’s full synopsis is the same reason why I don’t want to listen to Next to Normal again. 

(I’ll keep it under a cut to spare you from scrolling to see something else in your dash)

I mean, the last and only time that I listened to Next to Normal from start to finish was about 2-3 years ago and it still fucks me up today just thinking about it. Nowadays I just listen to Superboy and the Invisible Girl and I’m Alive simply because of Aaron Tveit. It’s been a while since I listened to You Don't Know but I still think that this is one of the best and well-written pieces of what it feels like to be mentally sick: “When you wake up in the morning, do you need help to lift your head? When you read the obituary, do you feel jealous of the dead?”. The next lines are very specific that you’ll just go ooohhhhh.

At first I thought, oh this is a show about a family. Oh, it’s actually a story of a fucked up family. No worries, most families had a period of being fucked up. Ooomph, no, this is.... Wow. That’s.... terrible? How did they survive this... Natalie.... Henry.... Gabe.... the mom oh mY GOD no. After finishing the soundtrack, I figuratively lie down in bed thinking about my life, my family, school, my friends, bipolar disorder, mental illness in general (and this show is not even the high-functional mentally sick) for a few days. It took a while before I became “normal” again.

In my little bubble, I did not encounter such experiences and emotions before listening to that, so suffice to say that this really fucked me up in so many ways. I already heard stories of war, cold-blooded murder, revenge and all that shit, but I never thought that something like this can be just as shocking (and violent? to the mind). What made it worse is finding out two people from my high school passed away due to depression and no one but their closest circles knew about their condition. And now I’m back in my metaphorical bed, thinking about my life, friends, family, school, work, and again, mental illness in general (now it includes those who are high functional)

DEH came at a very timely part of my life. The songs rang in my ears in days that I need it most. I cried after listening to You Will Be Found probably a hundredth time. Reading all those analysis in the tags are just so smart and amazing and I really don’t want to be emotionally tired so sometimes I would just skip them. (At first I thought Evan doesn’t really have a broken arm, I thought it was one of his therapist’s ways to bring up conversion with people. And now I think that Evan literally fell in a forest, but I know that Evan didn’t really just “fall”) I keep on thinking about my own suffering and anxiety and thinking that others have it worse because of Evan and Connor and it’s just too much for me.

Listening DEH in its entirety might fuck me up like NTN, but I’m scared that it will be worse because now I can relate to it and the emotions might just give me a hard hook and jab that I might not get up in my bed ever again. But of course, someday in the future I will still listen or watch it. Just not now.